RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
