my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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