where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your mouth is God's brothel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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