No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
