Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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