So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
