Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
