you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
