I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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