I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
