When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
