i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
