If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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