Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize