so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
