Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
