When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize