I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I love you. Go after that dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize