Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
