i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
