If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
