wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
