Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
