I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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