On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
