Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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