Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
