drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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