good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
