Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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