I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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