I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
