i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize