textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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