Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
