Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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