i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
