It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
