my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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