Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
