woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
