Sponge bath it is.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
