She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
