Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
