I hope mine doesn't look like that
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
