Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
