A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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