his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
