Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
