We're facebook friends in real life
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
