Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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