I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
