forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
