so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
third nipple confirmed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
