Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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