I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
