margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
