i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
