You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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