That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
