that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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