just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
