dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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