brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize