I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
