Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
