she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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