oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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