i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
