I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize