Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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