Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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