problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
