Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
