I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
