I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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