He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
