i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
